FAREWELL

I've held beloved pets in my hands at times where I've been instrumental in the decision to end their lives as humanely as is possible. 
We might all have done that.
We can relate to that despair, that anguish, that grief.
And though we might know it is the best decision for the animal who's been loved and is perhaps ready to move on, it's the hardest thing in the world to experience that moment when they are simply no longer there - they have slipped away. We know it's the right thing to do yet we are racked with guilt and profound sorrow, understandably so. 
As I write this, I recall one those moments when we made such a decision and I was alone in the vet's surgery cradling the soft, furry bundle that was my Puggle cat - here then gone in an instant - and how the young veterinary understudy stayed far from that room as I sobbed my heart out at this separation. It was a visceral weeping from deep within.
I remained there for a long time. I was heartbroken. I miss her still. 
I miss all of my departed companions. 
You all get that, I'm sure.
Yet today I experienced something that was perhaps even more profoundly sad - another parting - a final goodbye.
But it was the other way round.
A dear, dear friend was readying to depart for the airport on a journey to her homeland where reunions could be held with family prior to her passage beyond this mortal realm. It was time. She was ready.
We were not. I was not. The selfishness of the helpless friend who feels cheated by this thing called death when it seeks to embrace those we would have remain a little longer. 
I sat with her and we talked. I cried. I tried not to cry, which is simply silly under the circumstances. And we laughed and we remembered and we shared.
She gave me a task too.
I was sanctioned to assist in the rehoming of her rescued dog, a beautiful greyhound with whom I'd bonded quite closely and who I'd take in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the circumstances of seven cats and a small enclosure that just wouldn't work in any way at all. Admirably, however, the greyhound rescue organisation insists on these dogs being returned to them if foster parents can't keep them for any reason and this, sadly, is one of the most valid reasons there can be...
I pledged to visit Ellie (Needlenose to me, Needle for short) and take her for walks as often as I could. I would follow her progress until she had been safely rehomed. I held my friend's hand as I made this promise and we both cried a bit in that moment.
The pact was made.
A short while later, just before departing for the airport, Ellie came over and rested her long, slender snout gently on my friend's lap and gazed up at her with those dark, baleful eyes. 
She knew. She had been told. 
She understood. 
And I swear she went over to say goodbye...
There was an exchange between them, a most touching exchange. It overwhelmed me.
I have held animals and I have said goodbye to them from the depths of my soul but I have never seen an animal behave the way Ellie did this morning.
I had to leave the room to ventilate my sorrow such was the emotional depth of the parting.
I have a duty to perform.
I will miss my friend. 
Profoundly.
I will make sure I don't miss Needle.
But I'm sure I will cry when I see her again... 
I am bereft. 
Farewell.