THE HEADPHONE, VODKA, PLAYING CARD PARADOX…

 

So, lying on the pavement in our street today, a pair of torn-to-pieces stereo headphones, a broken half bottle of Vodka and a pack of playing cards.  There's a story in this somewhere. Any ideas?

Standing on the tavern pavement in his harlequin array

The village joker called me, asked me if I'd care to play

"What's the game?" I asked him, eyeing out his deck of cards

"Musical roulette" says he, "it isn't very hard..."

He placed a snug fit headset on my ears with some aplomb 

The noise cancelling gizmo was as silent as the tomb 

He sneaked a sip of vodka then and grinned his manic grin

He spoke into a collar mic, saying, "Let the games begin."

He fanned the cards and proffered them, he bade me take my pick

The queen of hearts, back in the deck, his handwork was so slick 

And then commenced the most alarming snippets of old hits

From Abba to old ZZ Top, some gold, some just the pits 

I had to name the songs, the groups, the year in which they aired

It started out all peachy like and then I got real scared 

I'd got each answer spot on, man but fuck me with a cue

There came a bizarre single and I hadn't got a clue 

It bobbed, it weaved, it shrieked, it wailed, it really was quite weird

And all the while the joker pranced and cackled as he jeered 

And though it seemed familiar, folks, my brain just kept on tankin'

Visions swam inside my mind, the face of Robert Rankin 

It wouldn't come, it had me beat, I threw the headset down

I stomped the fucking thing to bits and then I punched the clown 

He dropped the deck of playing cards, the vodka bottle fell

It smashed apart upon the ground as I began to yell

"You tell me who that band was, mate, or I will have your head!"

He grinned at me all sheepish like and this is what he said,

"It was a trick, it was a joke - the band does not exist. 

"They live inside a writer's head - that was my little twist.

"Despite all that, deep inside you is from whence the music came..

"They inspire arcane magic - Gandhi's Hairdyer is their name."

Oh how we laughed, he disappeared leaving just this empty street

With the deck of cards, the headphones and the bottle at my feet...