YouTube - Frank Zappa on David Letterman, 10-31-83

YouTube - Frank Zappa on David Letterman, 10-31-83

if you do nothing in your life - watch some of Zappa's thoughts, insights and interviews on YouTube - man - my only regret has to be never having seen this dude live...

COBEY (FERGIE) THE GAS-PIPE PAINTER

This requires a small introduction:

first - it is intended in good spirits and humour as the butt of this lampoon was repeatedly nominated and victorious in the questionable BEAR OF THE YEAR contest through the eighties and nineties here in Johannesburg and other exotic regions.
One can read more on this and other matters in a soon-to-be-published novel cryptically entitled (The first book of) PRANA - a partially semi-autobiographical tale of shock, horror, humour and human endeavour - with some angels and demons thrown in for good measure. (Fuck, if it worked for Dan Brown then why not...)
The antihero of this rhyme fell from grace (as it were - and probably a few other dodgy tarts to boot - or old boots or whatever) and the bottle got the better of him in the latter stages of his career hence the reference to the lush.
As for gas pipes - these refer to fire suppression system piping which our hero probably never painted in his life - although he did install fire suppression systems (although the efficaciousness of said systems remains highly debatable to this day).
And so we have the lampoon:(PS - COBEY COULD BE INTERCHANGEABLE WITH FERGIE - WHY NOT - and I have nothing against the Red Devils per-se but being an ardent Chelsea supporter - the dig at Man Utd just happens to coincide with the fact that the poem's antihero was [and indeed probably still is] a fanatical Man U supporter to a ridiculous degree - I'm presuming Fergie is much the same thing)


COBEY (FERGIE) THE GAS-PIPE PAINTER

(Sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)

Cobey, the gas-pipe painter
Couldn’t hold a steady brush
And all the other painters
Said he was a fucking lush!
Each day around ten thirty
He would disappear for tea
But the other gas-pipe painters
Knew it was a dram or three.

Then one Tuesday afternoon
He downed a bottle full
Cobey with your slurry tongue
How’ll you reach the topmost rung?

So all the pipes were painted
Red and drippy everywhere
All on the piping brackets
And even in the pisscat’s hair
Cobey the gas-pipe painter
Said it was deliberate
Coz now the red and white bits
Looked like Man U’s latest kit

When he painted nozzles closed
He got his last red card
Cobey won’t say he was fired
He tells us all he just retired

So the moral of the story
Revolves around the colour red
All you dodgy Man U lovers
Need a bullet in the head
Ronaldo is a fucking wanker
Rooney might as well lay bricks
The strip should be a pack of condoms
Coz that’s what people put on pricks!