Paul

Paul

SMILEYSKULL

SMILEYSKULL
Half the story is a dangerous thing

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All content on this blog is the copyright © of Paul Murray (unless noted otherwise / reposts etc.) and the intellectual property is owned by him, however, the purpose of this forum is to share the content with all who dare to venture here.
The subject matter is adult in nature so those who are easily offended, misunderstand satire, or are generally too uptight to have a good time or even like who they are, it's probably a good idea to leave now.
Enjoy responsibly...

Sunday 9 February 2014

Obese Cops - it just shouldn't happen


Is it just me or does everyone wonder in despair at the awful rudeness and wastefulness of movie characters through history?
The script will go something along the lines of:

"Meet me at Charlie's bar at ten - I'll give you the information face to face…"
"Okay…make sure you're alone..."
And then they just hang up - no goodbyes, see-ya-then - nothing!
That's the first thing and it seems to be an Americanism - when they deem themselves to be finished talking, they simply terminate the connection.
Manners cost nothing, buddy! Say goodbye for fuck's sake!
So then comes the rendezvous time of ten pm and our protagonists meet.
There can never be a simultaneous arrival - that doesn't even happen in real life - someone gets there beforehand and someone arrives later - odds are neither of them pitch at ten - which would also just be - well - fucking polite…
And so now they sit ensconced in the smoky booth at the back of Charlie's Bar and Grill.
Inevitably, the movie soundtrack - Charlie's jukebox music or whatever - is louder than the dialogue has been so you need to fiddle with the volume or adjust the sound model on your home entertainment system and just when you think you have that right, the movie sound engineer tones down the background and the pair are suddenly screaming at each other.
More adjustments…
Bottom line: the earlier arrival has already ordered and is sipping a scotch on the rocks or a bourbon - whatever.
He nods to the barman and asks for another for the late arrival.
His own drink is replenished, there is a nominal amount of cryptic dialogue and the arcane information is imparted.
The guy whose drink has just arrived, nods, thanks the snitch for the lowdown and the drink and pisses off, drink untouched.

Similarly, the beat cops have been parked in the diner car park and the rookie has been despatched to get the double cheeseburgers, fries and "sodas".
He dutifully arrives with the cholesterol crate in tow just as the senior officer fields a call via despatch about a two-eleven in progress just four blocks from their present location…
The food is ditched straight into the garbage can that the movie set-dresser has conveniently placed next to the patrol car and the two intrepid law enforcement officers screech away, sirens blaring into the balmy L.A. night…

These dudes never get to finish a donut, a burger, a packet of fries, nothing - so why is there such a glut of obese cops in America if that's the case…the fuckers never actually eat?
Not to mention the tonnes of nutrition (?) that is dumped daily into garbage cans wherever American cops ply their trade.
Please don't tell me the movies they make about these guys aren't accurate - it would devastate me but I would be eternally boosted all the same if this was all mere fiction and the rude, fat bastards actually did say toodle-pip at the conclusion of a telephone call.
That would restore my faith in movies and law enforcement in the bastion of global civil liberty - the good old US of A.
Thank you and goodbye...