THE 2009 SOUTH AFRICAN ELECTIONS

Listening to Andy Rice on 702's Ad Feature, he spoke of the upcoming election and the opportunity for political parties to really create something vibrant and special with their BRAND and bring something with a hook to the campaign trail.
Remembering Obama's: YES WE CAN! catchphrase, here's the best our uninspiring political hopefuls could come up with:

ANC: WORKING TOGETHER WE CAN DO MORE

DA: ONE NATION. ONE FUTURE

UDM: NOW'S THE TIME FOR ALL SOUTH AFRICANS

And last but not least:

COPE: A NEW AGENDA FOR CHANGE AND HOPE

People - with all due respect - here's my slogan response to them:

THEY ALL SUCK

These have got to be the least imaginative and uninspiring slogans I have ever heard - the DA probably being the catchiest but that's not saying much.

What about something dynamic like;

COPE: KEEPING IT REAL
or something fast and vibey along those lines?

There is an amazing opportunity for this party to shed the skin of the old, tired political dreariness, again like Obama did - speak to the people. Keep it short. Keep it to the point. Keep it real! We are tired of all the longwinded hyperbole and hollow promises;
And how about COPE's name being part of the campaign thrust as another acronym?:

Clarity - A clear vision for the future
Objectivity - Allowing autonomy in government & NGO organs
Prosperity - A share for us all in SA's growth
Equality - For each gender and every race group

Some sketchy ideas but man oh man - what has been put together is as dull as ditchwater in my humble view!

This is an exciting time - some of that excitement should be engendered within the campaign and spread to the people COPE hope to harness.

Isn't democracy fun...

BARACK OBAMA - 44th PRESIDENT OF THE USA

Think what you want to but the Yanks do this ceremonial stuff even better than the Brits in my view.
In the dark old days we had that unsavoury alliance of Bush Blair - BB. Now we have the African American and the Scot or could I call them Black and Mac without offending the sensibilities of the Politically Correct analists? Bollocks to them!
And while it is most certainly naive to imagine one leader can turn the world around from its current state of despair in many quarters - war, famine, disease, financial instability, rampant bigotry, racism, ethnic cleansing, (alleged) global warming etc. Barack Obama gives one the impression that he can make that happen. His eloquence and stature, his evangelical conviction and delivery evokes within the listener (American and foreigner alike) the belief that we have truly turned a corner and the world (never mind the US) is on the path to healing.
The cynics (myself among them) would simply say - "anything after Dubya is a step in the right direction..." but Obama is inheriting a minefield from GWB as has been described above with the confidence of US citizens at an all time low. He can work that in his favour of course with his fresh approach (and ability to speak English) but it will only work for so long until he starts to deliver on his promises (or not).
The key to this potential success, in my view, is his consummate ability of including the American people in the effort by acknowledging their true potential every time he speaks and without making it sound like ersatz hyperbole (like most politicians are prone to do).
Maybe I'm just getting more sensitive as I mature (perish the thought!) but every time this dude hits the podium I feel tears welling up in my eyes because I get this feeling that Obama has entered the world stage at a point where the very consciousness of humanity has undergone a significant shift and whether we would like to acknowledge it or not, I believe the GW Bushes of this world actually helped to get us to this point even if it was by trudging down a long, hard, nasty road.
It's that old dark and light thing isn't it - how can we achieve balance if we don't have appropriate / equal proportions of both?
It isn't always the lessons imparted by the shining "leading by example" people of this world - the people of this planet have always (and I mean always) got the choice to learn from any example shown them from a drunken father to a saintly mother - whatever. It's as beneficial to see what we shouldn't be doing as it is to be going down a path behind a saint.
We need to make mistakes (hopefully not fatal ones) to learn and Obama has that concept firmly in hand.
As naive as I may be, this man inspires confidence and that mere fact alone is contagious and brings people together and with confidence comes belief and with belief comes positive action and a lot less guilt and the nett result has the potential to make us more temperate, tolerant and humane.
I like him - VIVA OBAMA
Is it true that his first policy decision will be to petition congress to have the White House painted black?
I can hear the Rolling Stones in the background as we speak!

THE GREAT GLOBAL WARMING SWINDLE DEBATE

As soon as politicians and the media put their collective weight behind a particular viewpoint to the exclusion of any other opinion, is the day that my bullshit barometer kicks in. The whole concept of informed choice and a balanced representation of the two sides of the debate are forgotten and the popular viewpoint becomes the status-quo. This has been true of the issue concerning the correlation between HIV and AIDS where people like Thabo Mbeki and Manto Tshabalala Msimang have been vilified for saying things that don't conform to the accepted view. To such a degree that our erstwhile health minister became nothing more than a cartoon figure without any credibility when, in fact, anyone actually bothering to research the data behind what she claims rather than lampooning the messenger, may be very surprised at what they find - I certainy was.
But by then it was far too late - public opinion had already been swayed to accept everything the mainstream protagonists were saying and denouncing anything that contradicted that. As I said - so much for informed choice. In our country it doesn't exist and coupled with the apathy of much of the public and their innate sloth when it comes to actually conducting their own research in these matters, we are now facing an even greater deception when it comes to the issue of AGW (Anthropogenic Global Warming) where both the media and the political community isn't offering a balanced representation of both sides of this debate. The generally accepted perception is that Global Warming is a reality and it has come about as a result of humanity's activity on the planet and particularly with regard to our emission of so-called greenhouse gases into the atmopshere, the main culprit being Carbon Dioxide. Moreover, our activities in this regard have initiated sudden and potentially catastrophic climate change which threatens the very survival of this species (and others) on planet Earth. All very dramatic but is it true?
Whether we choose to believe it is or not, what irks me beyond reason is the spin being placed on the issue (that clearly suits a specific agenda) that disallows both sides of the debate being given equal representation in our mainstream media.
Whether or not this is to influence our thinking (and again, like religion, it's done through fear and guilt) and steer us away from fossil-fuel based technology in a managed transition to newer, more environmentally friendly energy technology and ensure that such a transition doesn't fatally impair the global economy - isn't the point. I'm all for being ecologically aware and responsible but I would like the opportunity of being able to make up my own mind about the issues and choose a path once I've seen all the available DATA not biased media spin or spurious so-called science. Both sides, please!
But it isn't happening and I believe we should be asking ourselves - Why not?
I urge you to take the time and view the full series of the "SWINDLE" debate on Youtube which makes for very interesting and thought-provoking viewing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIjGynF4qkE&feature=related

PS - Happy 2009 everyone - I'm truly happy really - never been more so xxx

THE DEVIL WEARS PARIS HILTON PERFUME

You want to do someone a favour? Don't do it - just don't do it!
My New Year's resolution - fuck em all!
We have a house full of guests ranging from the great-granny to the great-grannychildren and obviously there's a teenager in the mix somewhere - of course there is!
This one, Pearl (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1174333234) dresses up like Paris Hilton to go bush walking and will not go to the toilet without putting on make-up. She's developed thumbs like irradiated gherkins from MXIT intercourse (that means conversation, Pearl) and after two days away from civilisation (read: staying in Magaliesburg) she gets Mall withdrawal, a malady that can be likened to heroin cold-turkey where the addict becomes irrational, sweats uncontrollably, resorts to verbal abuse and profanity in desperate attempts to have the drug of choice served up.
Well, being the soft-hearted pussycat that I am, I succumbed to the wiles of the pretty Pearl as she fluttered her eyelids and abused her mother just one time too many.
"Okay, Godammit!" I was heard to croon lovingly, "I'll take you to the fucking mall, you little ingrate!"
Honestly, it didn't sound as bad as it looks in print...
So, after an hour and a half of tonsorial teasing, cosmetic pastiche and the fumigation by teen-fragrance of every square millimetre of her waiflike body, we were all ready to venture forth from the harsh wilderness of Magaliesburg to the Jerry Springer breeding ground of Krugersdorp and more specifically the Key West Mall.
Now the fact that the inhabitants of this mall only learned to walk upright that very morning and have as much in common with Pearl as a juvenile Cambodian refugee has with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the place boasted the epithet: MALL and that was enough for our MXIT minx. It may have been a really poor grade of mall but she was strapping up the arm, puffing out the veins and ready for an almost lethal injection of Key West.
So I dropped her and her mom at Entrance 4 - oh yeah I forgot to mention the other significant trait of our city-slicking teenager: anything that walks the earth that isn't on a leash, wearing a bell or served up with fries and ketchup is deemed to be a threat to humanity (and especially to Pearl) even more so than Global Warming (if you buy into that pish)
Yes, despite the voluminous research conducted by arachnologists, herpetologists, entomologists and zoologists per-se recording the retiring nature of almost all arachnids, reptiles, insects and small mammals, Pearl would have us believe that there are new, malicious toad species endemic to the Magalies region (localised in the family room of our home, in fact) that have one singular desire: to abduct her and subject her to the most unspeakable cruelty involving just actually being there and looking um well like totally gross. The accompanying screams at the sight of a little toad on an evening feeding foray or an errant moth that may flutter within 2 metres of the teenager are enough to curdle milk at five hundred paces. So the thought of this little wuss being left alone in a strange mall in the middle of the "wild West" was but an episode of madness. Of course mom would have to go with...
Having safely desposited my charges at the mall, I proceeded to fulfill the real mission quest: to purchase (from the only open Midas Spares store that had stock) a pair of hydraulic arms for the rear door of my bakkie. Why not - we'd just paid the thing off and Doris (my bakkie) deserved to be rendered pristine. Yeah right - read on.
It was all proceeding famously - I was popular with the teenage contingent of the menagerie, I had found a supplier open in the holidays and I got to take a break from the festive (but chaotic) home environment for a short while.
Then without warning as is the nature of a wife remembering shit she forgot to tell her husband prior to leaving home, my cellphone rang just as I was approaching the side junction at which I was to turn.
I looked down to the mobile (my hands-free was in the other car and needed recharging). I picked it up. I looked up. The road was clear (wasn't it?). I had already crossed the median line but then - oh my God - a Ford Sierra appeared from nowhere and was skidding toward me. I could do nothing but a bunny in the headlight impression - which I did pretty well as the oncoming car slewed and squealed toward me then collided with the front right hand corner of the bakkie with the usual horrible crunch that goes with arse-snatching and the helplessness of these moments.
I casually told my wife that I had just had an accident and would call her back then vacated the vehicle to see if the occupants of the other car were okay.
They were, the driver volubly so, indignant and threatening at first but as soon as I admitted fault, he seemed to deflate like an erection when your mum catches you having a wank.
His car: to put it technically - fucked and undrivable. Mine: I managed to drive it to the parking bays outside the Midas store where I scrutinised the damage. The right front wheel assembly was pushed back and damaged to a degree where the car could only be driven in a straight line, anything involving turning graunched the tyre against the inside of the wheel arch. Undrivable.
The usual formalities were concluded and when attempting to console the wife of the elderly driver, herself a frail-looking Afrikaans tannie resplendent in crimplene and nylon and seated on the grass verge, I was told in no uncertain terms that this horrible deed was all Satan's doing.
I was immediately in two minds at that vehement pronouncement wondering if a) I should recant my previous admission of culpability and suggest we both claim against the Prince of Darkness' insurers - Hellfire Provident or somesuch firm or b) tell her she was still in shock and the real culprit was Pearl who had guilted me into taking her to the mall to silence the falsetto mall withdrawal whingeing...the consequence of which had brought me to this very intersection at this very time. If I'd been going directly to Midas, I reasoned, I wouldn't have been at this intersection at this time and the accident would have been avoided. Damn that Black Pearl! (Sounds like a line from Pirates of the Caribbean)
Upon further reflection and registering the obviously fragile demeanour of the traumatised tannie, I opted to maintain my guilt and assured her that if Satan had been involved we'd probably all be dead and holding hands in a barque as we were escorted across the Styx. This seemed to totally fly over her blue-rinsed and curled head so I let it be.
If she wanted the devil to be the bad guy - then hey - who was I to stand in the way of that?
Even when someone puts up their hand and shoulders the responsibility for something - the Godfearing folk of our fair world brush this aside in favour of the unseen. Mystery seems so much more appealing than some red-headed git in glassed claiming to be the culprit. Fuck that!
Tis true - the devil must work in mysterious ways - ask Pearl - for according to her, he has trained demonic amphibians to torment her in the hellfire of Magaliesburg for what must seem like an absolute eternity - well the Christmas hols to be exact..
But it's hard not to believe in the existence of the Prince of the Pit especially when one looks at the current level of teenage communication that abdicates any actual verbal discourse, or we take stock of the current generation's value system based on McDonald's, branded clothing and cloned pop stars.
There was a fleeting moment when Pearl spoke with me about matters of spirit but then as soon as the Mall juice hit her veins, the headphones hit her ears, both thumbs assumed their MXIT position on either side of her cellphone and I realised that this was the portrait of the new world.
Better the devil you know...

YouTube - Frank Zappa on David Letterman, 10-31-83

YouTube - Frank Zappa on David Letterman, 10-31-83

if you do nothing in your life - watch some of Zappa's thoughts, insights and interviews on YouTube - man - my only regret has to be never having seen this dude live...

COBEY (FERGIE) THE GAS-PIPE PAINTER

This requires a small introduction:

first - it is intended in good spirits and humour as the butt of this lampoon was repeatedly nominated and victorious in the questionable BEAR OF THE YEAR contest through the eighties and nineties here in Johannesburg and other exotic regions.
One can read more on this and other matters in a soon-to-be-published novel cryptically entitled (The first book of) PRANA - a partially semi-autobiographical tale of shock, horror, humour and human endeavour - with some angels and demons thrown in for good measure. (Fuck, if it worked for Dan Brown then why not...)
The antihero of this rhyme fell from grace (as it were - and probably a few other dodgy tarts to boot - or old boots or whatever) and the bottle got the better of him in the latter stages of his career hence the reference to the lush.
As for gas pipes - these refer to fire suppression system piping which our hero probably never painted in his life - although he did install fire suppression systems (although the efficaciousness of said systems remains highly debatable to this day).
And so we have the lampoon:(PS - COBEY COULD BE INTERCHANGEABLE WITH FERGIE - WHY NOT - and I have nothing against the Red Devils per-se but being an ardent Chelsea supporter - the dig at Man Utd just happens to coincide with the fact that the poem's antihero was [and indeed probably still is] a fanatical Man U supporter to a ridiculous degree - I'm presuming Fergie is much the same thing)


COBEY (FERGIE) THE GAS-PIPE PAINTER

(Sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)

Cobey, the gas-pipe painter
Couldn’t hold a steady brush
And all the other painters
Said he was a fucking lush!
Each day around ten thirty
He would disappear for tea
But the other gas-pipe painters
Knew it was a dram or three.

Then one Tuesday afternoon
He downed a bottle full
Cobey with your slurry tongue
How’ll you reach the topmost rung?

So all the pipes were painted
Red and drippy everywhere
All on the piping brackets
And even in the pisscat’s hair
Cobey the gas-pipe painter
Said it was deliberate
Coz now the red and white bits
Looked like Man U’s latest kit

When he painted nozzles closed
He got his last red card
Cobey won’t say he was fired
He tells us all he just retired

So the moral of the story
Revolves around the colour red
All you dodgy Man U lovers
Need a bullet in the head
Ronaldo is a fucking wanker
Rooney might as well lay bricks
The strip should be a pack of condoms
Coz that’s what people put on pricks!

GLOBAL DECEPTION - OH AND ZUMA!!

Following on from the article: Contrived Shortages and the New Reality by Texe Marrs (Biophile 23), I have been conscious of contrived scenarios meted out by “authorities” under the mantle of scientific or technically endorsed hyperbole.
And none are closer to home than the HIV-Aids scam, the ESKOM scam and one of my personal favourites - the Zuma sleight-of –hand manoeuvre.
I know the HIV = Aids hypothesis has been covered in Biophile before and it’s a subject I’ve studied over the last decade with growing horror – not at the “spread” of the “pandemic” but rather at the spread of the perception created through the pharmaceutical industry and the media, of this contrived virus and its alleged un-virus like behaviour.
From Robert Gallo’s orchestrated pronouncement to the world of his discovery of the virus related to the AIDS phenomenon in 1984 (later retracted by him although scarcely highlighted by the beneficiaries of the AIDS industry) to the spurious “AIDS test”, that has nothing to do with finding a virus, to the manipulated “infection statistics” and on and on. For the benefit of readers unfamiliar with this mega-billion dollar venture, perhaps an enlightening summary would be Clark Baker’s independent article on the subject entitled HIV, AIDS  Gallo’s Egg, viewable here - a quite compelling read.

Being associated with the power industry in this country as a Data Centre infrastructure consultant and solutions architect, I am much closer to the totally unbelievable scenario contrived and spun to the SA public regarding the critical power shortages, under-capacity availability and a whole convoluted chapter on coal that is as impenetrable as it is daft. The coal reserves weren’t soaked by water – they were saturated by bullshit - period.
While it is true that there are serious energy problems in this country, the exercise we’ve just experienced was nothing short of national deception and it was purely and simply about that old mass-manipulator’s trick of problem-reaction-solution. While I regard much of David Icke’s work with a healthy pinch of scepticism (the only way to live, I think), he has the problem-reaction-solution paradigm 100% spot-on.
And another truism is the strategy of containing the truth within the spin being dispensed but masking it so cleverly that it is virtually impossible to discern the fact from the fiction as it all intermingles like a morass of knotted fishing line complete with nasty hooks.
The ESKOM story was about money and a need to hike up the power tariffs substantially. By the supplier’s own admission the billing model it had wheeled into motion decades back was based on erroneous factors and made no proper allowance for realistic maintenance and upgrade costs in this model hence our wonderfully cheap electricity up to that point. With the advent of the emerging mass power consumer and the need for capacity upgrades, costly (previously ignored) maintenance of existing infrastructure as well as the massive salary structure in play within the executive hierarchy of the corporation, ESKOM simply needed more money to do what it does. And what better way to contrive our reliance on power than by making it unavailable or erratically available at best and by launching a countrywide campaign to highlight the crisis in which we found ourselves. Thus the PROBLEM was created.
Phase 2 – REACTION. The public were outraged at the under-capacity, at the inconvenience, at the projected tenure of this problem and over time amid the thundering protests, we eventually acknowledged that perhaps we aught to be using electricity more wisely or simply less of it while it was clear that money had to come from somewhere (read: the taxpayer) to begin the upgrade process. We began to get used to managing our lives around the black-outs, the traffic congestion caused by robot outages, the additional expense of running households off standby generator supplies etc. But this all smacked of third-world infrastructure and the spectre of socio-economic collapse loomed large in our subconscious especially given the unfathomable “foreign policy” our government accorded our troubled northern neighbour. Hell, we didn’t want to go down that road.
Phase 3 – SOLUTION. In a nutshell – ESKOM asked for more money and they had been banging on about a 52% rate increase through the currency of the crisis. We were even more appalled but had now steeled ourselves for some form of increase, praying fervently to the national power regulator (who also works for the same boss as ESKOM by the way) that they would reject this ridiculous increase out of hand. After all it was ESKOM who’d failed to get their business model correct, plan capacity or maintain their systems but who had somehow managed to make a desperate public feel guilty about the way it used electricity as if we were complicit in having created the problem.
Result: a 17% rate increase is announced and we collectively sigh with relief as if we’ve been handed a generator-driven olive branch.
However, if we’d been asked to pay 17% more at the outset of the “crisis”, we’d have been appalled and told ESKOM to take a hike. They’d had a substantial rate increase not that long before the crisis.
So through clever manipulation – we’d been played to feel grateful for a “small” increase in our electricity tariff. Brilliant. Insidious but brilliant.
And how many serious outages have you experienced since the rate increase was accepted and through the high-demand winter months? Interestingly, virtually none.
Summary: we’re probably using electricity more frugally than before, have a little generator on hand just in case (import benefits to government), are paying 17% more for this and the real capacity can now be managed and upgraded with some breathing space. Only – let’s see how well our energy ministry manages the future of this and sustainability in new solutions. I remain sceptical.

Then there’s Jacob Zuma – good old Zuma without whom, Zapiro’s life would be a lot less colourful.
Readers should read Judge Chris Nicholson’s summation of the latest in this saga here
On the face of it – a totally unsurprising outcome and the focus is now squarely shifted from the issue of Zuma’s alleged wrongdoing to the procedural inconsistencies of the NPA and the resultant nullification of the due process.
Regardless of this, it certainly makes one wonder over the smoke & mirrors surrounding the Scorpions when perhaps the media (and indeed ourselves) should have been scrutinising the deeds and doings of the NPA to ensure that the process had no possibility of being thwarted. Nice sleight of hand don’t you think! Orchestrated perhaps or just coincidence?
I said to my wife not long ago that to avoid becoming lumped into the same category as Zim in the eyes of a watching world, the ANC had to be seen to be following the dictates of the constitution and its judiciary and Zuma had to be brought before a judge. However, I went on, he will get off scot-free through some technicality or other! And me with no crystal ball at all!
Anyone who imagined for one moment that Zuma would succumb to the same fate as that scapegoat Shaik is living in a different SA from the one I occupy.
Watch that particular space and don’t be surprised…by anything.
One thing worth considering – he may turn out to be a more moderate president than we think and in the eyes of Africa, I think we’ll get more mileage out of him than Mbeki. Just remember, although publicly he and Mbeki have to be seen as opposing one another, they are not only struggle comrades but co-conspirators/beneficiaries of the arms deal (in my and millions of other South Africans’ view). The ANC will trundle on regardless and the businesses that run the country will prevail. Oh yes, and Zille’s DA will roar like a toothless tiger in the background…

And in conclusion – if a politician is moving his lips he is perhaps being disingenuous to some degree – it simply goes with the territory. And as Mr Marrs illustrates in his article (Biophile 23) the UN seeks to control our means to grow, buy and distribute food – surprise, surprise.
In the same way – Mr Al Gore has been paid to travel the world dispensing another perception contrived for the manipulation of the masses – i.e.Global Warming. Now don’t scream me down, please. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be ecologically more responsible nor that we shouldn’t look to sustainable energy systems and smaller “carbon footprints” but for goodness sake – the Earth has gone through these climatic cycles for millennia and (as with any other scientific debate) there are compelling arguments from both sides of the fence.
What is of substantially more significance is the simple fact that (as with Mbeki and Zuma) Gore and Bush are actually brothers-in-arms and now that the global population (currently being raped by GW and his cronies with the oil price and fossil-fuel based technologies) has accepted that we require a solution to the “crisis” (PROBLEM), this gives the same cabal of manipulators the time and space to establish themselves as the saviours with the managed and phased introduction of hybridised and sustainable technologies in favour of the old stuff at an even higher price than we were paying before. The economy will tick over without any collapse as it gets carefully manoeuvred through the transition.
And we will sit back wondering what the next crisis will be and how much we’re going to pay for it.
Ce’st la vie…