(I emailed this to Jenny Crwys-Williams and Andy Rice of 702 Talk Radio. Jenny runs an ad feature on her show every Thursday with Andy as a guest expert. That he is and more with a subtle wit to accompany his articulate, informative demeanour.)
Now is it just me or has there been a plethora of irritation expressed over the ads I’m about to highlight?
I refer firstly to the strange practice of advertising agencies allowing themselves to be browbeaten into the hideously bad idea of presenting a real live customer as a voice-over artist through a radio media campaign. I mean, I can’t imagine for a second that the agency would have advised the client of such folly. Would they? Surely not? Tell me it isn’t so…
I recall the MD of Sembel-It having a go at this in the dim and distant past, his wooden monotonous delivery about as inspiring, exciting and convincing as an inebriated beggar at a traffic light.
But the ultimate cringe has to be the Hirsch adverts starring none other than the irrepressible (yet nauseatingly irritating) Lucy Hirsch herself. At first pass I was amused – greatly amused – as I thought it to be a lampoon of some sort but as time wore on I realised that this was the real deal, almost as tragic as those hapless figures on SA Idols who can’t carry a tune for toffee yet are convinced, not only of their vocal prowess, but believe they really and truly deserve to be the biggest thing in pop since Robbie Williams gave his erstwhile boy band the finger all those aeons ago…
I have reached the stage where the opening: “Hah – ahm Loo see Hersch…” causes an involuntary muscle reaction within my left arm, spasming it whip-like to the OFF button on my car radio. I have no control over this – it just happens. About thirty seconds pass and then it does it again – this time targeting the ON button. And the demon is gone. The sweating subsides into a mild panic and I can drive to the jocular John Robbie or the redoubtable Redi Direko or the charismatic Chris Gibbons or the jolly Jenny Crwys-Williams or the drive-time David O’Sullivan – after that I’m usually home. Anything, please anything other than Loo-see Hersch!
Why do they do it Andy, why? I would rather eat worms than listen to the nasal whine of that woman let alone directing my car to any of their one-two-three stores to buy so much as a pack of AAA batteries. It simply doesn’t work. Or does it? Is there a rabid following of aurally-impaired Hirschophiles out there that hang on her every badly-pronounced word? Or are there droves of people like me who cringe every time she opens her mouth? I mean a Facebook group dedicated to her irritation: Get off the radio Lucy Hirsch: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2418711473 Doesn’t that kinda sum up the dismal failure of this campaign or are the ad execs disarmingly convincing the Hirsch family that even bad media is good exposure?
Secondly there is the bizarre perception fostered by agencies that ordinary people talk like physicians when they meet casually in supermarkets, just breathless to pounce upon the first opportunity to discuss constipation or other digestive ailments in the frankest of terms. Where do these fools live?
When have you or anyone else on the planet small-talked about the pharmacological action of a medication? Never happened. Never will.
They have one on air currently about a certain laxative. Picture this: a Saturday morning. Jenny and Andy casually bump into one another in the aisle of their local Spar (Good for you? Good for them!).
Reality is:
Jenny: Hi, Andy, what’s up?
Andy: (if he’s comfortable about sharing his digestive dilemmas in the first place) Hi, Jen – nothing much. Just feeling a bit bloated – y’know – constipated…very uncomfortable.
Jenny: You poor dear. Oh, I use this stuff (insert trade name here) and it’s great. It really works.
Andy: What was that name again?
Jenny: (Repeats trade name)
Andy: Thanks, I’ll try it.
End of discussion. It either works or it doesn’t.
Not:
Jenny: Hi, Andy, what’s up?
Andy: (we’ve already established that it doesn’t offend his or Jenny’s sensibilities talking about his poo-problems publicly) Hi, Jen – nothing much. Just feeling a bit bloated – y’know – constipated…very uncomfortable.
Jenny: You poor dear. Oh, you should really try (launching into a pharmacist-type authoritarian tone) (insert trade name here) it acts by its osmotic properties thus increasing stimulation of fluid secretion, thereby promoting bowel movement while simultaneously stimulating the accumulation of water and electrolytes in the colon and thus increasing intestinal motility.
Andy: Wow! that sounds like just what I need?
Jenny: (Repeats trade name) – it really works
Andy: Thanks, I’m going to rush over to the pharmacy immediately and ingest heaps of this amazing stuff!
If anyone’s friends (who weren’t pharmacists getting Drug company kickbacks) had to talk to them in this manner, they would turn tail and flee, considering the possibility of having their pal committed for losing all touch with reality.
If they’re going to advertise drugs in technical manner then surely they must attempt to deliver the message through the agency of an authority figure such as a (suitably cast) doctor or a pharmacist and avoid at all costs the insulting, annoying dynamic of unrealistic situation dialogue which serves only to alienate the market they seek to access?
The third one is for a pile (haemorrhoid) treatment which devolves so deeply into the realm of ridiculousness that it can only be amusing – ask Redi Direko – she knows this stuff really works. She heard the ad, lapsed into paroxysms of mirth to such a degree that I’m sure she must have been in danger of having a mishap.
The ultimate ad would thus have to be: Lucy Hirsch and the MD of Sembel-It meeting in a public place and discussing their combined haemorrhoidal and defecatory restrictedness in a frank, whining, pharmacological exchange.
I just can’t wait.
1 comment:
I'm in Marketing and can also never get over how bad advertising such as you have highlighted ends up on the airwaves.
Let's think about this for a second: some ridiculously intellectually impaired ad exec takes the concept to his/her boss, who goes into spasms of excitement over such a brilliant (and most likely off-brief) concept. A meeting is set with the Client (the Marketing Manager, Brand Manager and Assistant Brand Manager all attend), and the concept is presented with huge TA-DAH!!!! gusto. All three enter into their own spasms of euphoria, claiming the brilliance of the campaign, and sign it off at once. That's one, two, three, four, five (possibly six, seven and eight) idiots (supposedly all "experts") who pass the concept through! That many similarly stupid people! Or in the case of Loothey Herth, her dad probably TOLD everyone that his darling would be the delightful voice of Hirshes, expecting even more spasms of joy from customers all over, rather than the reality: uncontrollable spasms of the gut, and forefinger.
One more example: the husband on the Budget Insurance ad who, in an infuriatingly patronising and condescending tone of voice, and with the smuggest of chuckles, carefully explains to his wife that the disappearance of their car is but a fleeting irritation, because "Dear, that's why we have Budget Insurance - they'll solve everything, with their...blah blah blah industry marketing speak, blah blah blah....all roses and bunnies, and how fortunate we are to have had the car stolen for the joy of interacting with this wonderful service, and having a car stolen is no inconvenience whatsoever, LUCKY US!!". Now I don't know about everyone else, but having your car stolen is ANNOYING and INCONVENIENT and EXPENSIVE and a major hassle, and insurance companies are NOT your friends. You PAY them to assist you and to be courteous to you, and never get out what you thought you would, and they try very hard to find excuses as to why you shouldn't get out what they led you to believe they would (all in the fine print, apparently). And let me tell you, even if I had the best insurance in the world, if my husband chuckled and attempted to placate me with diddies about our insurance company should I be in a flat panic about my car being stolen, he would regain his bachelor status quicker than the speediest insurance claim could take (probably not Budget).
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