My lovely wife adores me for many reasons, not least of which may be her successful passive strategy of "husbandic" domestication, a phenomenon that occurs exactly as the metaphoric frog in the pot of boiling water. You simply don't notice what's happening around you then boom! boiled alive or, in my case, tamed and domesticated...
How the fuck.....etc.
She is so clever and cunning that one - a real woman - erm...when she wants to be...and a brat for the rest of the time - a wonderfully, beautiful, engaging irresistible brat it must be stressed but a brat nonetheless. Likes-attracting-likes and all that toot. So, what's not to love? We are all imbued with a shred or two of narcissism somewhere within our complex humanness.
So in that sense, I guess, a Larmarckian evolutionary inheritance of my mum's no-nonsense domesticity along with Karen's gentle, covert suggestive manipulation over the years all seems to have resulted in this thing that loves to cook and clean (and I mean proper housework - vacuum-cleaners, emptying of dustbins, garbage management, sweeping, mopping, dishwasher pack and unpack rituals and laundry - with a pathological aversion to ironing) and will do most anything about the house with the exception of windows.
That old chestnut - doesn't do windows....that's me. Fuck the windows.
Where we live looking out over the verdant undulating treetops to the forest reserve beyond, the layer of greyish tinged grime on the glass gives the panoramic splendour a certain soft, filtered effect without even booting up Photoshop.
Windows? That's Bill Gates' territory and look how he turned out - a failed software developer (there's a lesson in there somewhere) yet obscenely wealthy nonetheless god-complex geekmeister with eugenicist tendencies....
When you realise the depth of the heinous eugenics philosophy - culling, preventing procreation unless they're desirable specimens - master race stuff and all that - then you see Gates, one of this planet's wealthiest self-confessed eugenicists peddling strange chemical-concoctions, euphemistically called vaccines, in the poorest third world communities then one must surely take pause.
I did, I do.
Hey folks, look at me - I'm Bill Gates and you're a mass of hapless, impoverished human fodder that has no business procreating so I'm here to help - try this really cool new lab-synthesised muti we call vaccines - one jab and all your troubles will be over - no more cholera, no more measles, mumps, rubella - oh and no more babies.... (there's always the fine print lurking somewhere in the offing)
What - you can't read? Here, have a double-dose just to make sure...
Etcetera...
So maybe there's a deep-seated psychological premise underlying my pathological aversion to Windows in all shapes and formats - maybe it's a syndrome or something - AAS (Anti-Antichrist-Syndrome) for that's how I see Mr Godgeek for the most part, his contributions to trapping people behind computerised devices for the best part of their lives notwithstanding.
What does this have to do with being a compliant, domesticated husband?
I really have no idea. But look at me - I mean, come on - what a catch, right?
(offline sotto-voce) catch? Maybe one that would be better off being thrown back....
Ah well, keep the home fires burning, humans and don't let the fuckers grind you down.
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