Dirty Old Men
(sung to the tune of "My Favourite Things")
Suave, dapper posers with spray tans and beards
Nipped and tucked features with mouths that look weird
Gold filled front teeth and white eyebrows like wings
These are just some inexplicable things
(sung to the tune of "My Favourite Things")
Suave, dapper posers with spray tans and beards
Nipped and tucked features with mouths that look weird
Gold filled front teeth and white eyebrows like wings
These are just some inexplicable things
Oddly shaped glasses for feigned erudition
Little blue pills for their penile condition
Arrogant gestures as if they were kings
These are just some inexplicable things
When the wind breaks
When the hands shake
When they've been exposed
I simply remind them that they're ninety eight
And lucky they're not comatose
From perambulation on frames made by Zimmer
To personal trainers creating old gymmers
A crusty old bastard whose prostate gland stings
Some more geriatric explicable things
That last drop of urine that dribbles in trousers
Ear and nose hair that turns men into schnauzers
Sad sugar daddies with penchants for flings
These are just dirty old men types of things
When the twat drives
When the fart parks
When he's in his car
I'll always abuse the old doddering git
And hope he won't go - too far!
Hands that are thin-skinned and so liver-spotted
Spindly old legs that are gnarly and knotted
A pendulous scrotum that trembles and swings
These are distasteful old physical things
Minds that are willing with flesh that might fail them
Lascivious thoughts for young girls that may jail them
Belching old cars that are covered with dings
These are the last on the list of old things
When the serge frays
When the bowls end
When they're laid to rest
I have to remember my mortality
And know I might soon be next!
Harumph and rhubarb I say!
Little blue pills for their penile condition
Arrogant gestures as if they were kings
These are just some inexplicable things
When the wind breaks
When the hands shake
When they've been exposed
I simply remind them that they're ninety eight
And lucky they're not comatose
From perambulation on frames made by Zimmer
To personal trainers creating old gymmers
A crusty old bastard whose prostate gland stings
Some more geriatric explicable things
That last drop of urine that dribbles in trousers
Ear and nose hair that turns men into schnauzers
Sad sugar daddies with penchants for flings
These are just dirty old men types of things
When the twat drives
When the fart parks
When he's in his car
I'll always abuse the old doddering git
And hope he won't go - too far!
Hands that are thin-skinned and so liver-spotted
Spindly old legs that are gnarly and knotted
A pendulous scrotum that trembles and swings
These are distasteful old physical things
Minds that are willing with flesh that might fail them
Lascivious thoughts for young girls that may jail them
Belching old cars that are covered with dings
These are the last on the list of old things
When the serge frays
When the bowls end
When they're laid to rest
I have to remember my mortality
And know I might soon be next!
Harumph and rhubarb I say!
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