VODACRAP

Once again I sit at the mercy of Vodacom. If it isn't dropped calls, it's the wireless data service casting you into a connectless abyss of no signals.


This time it's their inability to deliver sms number references for Internet Banking...





Here follows a song which I put forward as their new jingle (sung to the tune of Ghostbusters).


VODACOM SONG
When you're being mugged in your neighbourhood
Why you didn't call?
NO COVERAGE
When you can't connect and you wish you could
Wassup wit dat?
NO COVERAGE
When your call gets dropped and you must redial
What's on your screen?
NO COVERAGE
There's a list of spots that you've got on file
What do they share?
NO COVERAGE
When you download mail with your 3G card
Keep losing the link
NO COVERAGE
When these simple tasks become really hard
Wassup wit dat?
NO COVERAGE
I wanna change my account
I wanna change my account
I wanna change my account
Coz Vodacom's a no-go!

When there's millions spent on sponsorship
Makes you think
NO COVERAGE
And the call rate charge is just one big rip
You wonder why?
NO COVERAGE
They've had ten years to make it right
But it's still screwed up
NO COVERAGE
And to speak to them is a fearful plight
It's pre-recorded crap
NO COVERAGE
etc...


I further propose that we kidnap that creepy fucking meerkat and hold it for ransom (with his skank chick too, of course) and we demand better (some) service from Vodacom in return for their safe delivery to the ad set for the next overbudget poor-taste extravanganza that will irk us right in the middle of some worthwhile TV programme... while all the while secretly resolving to send parts of the rancid rodents in soggy envelopes until there is nothing but two small skin rugs that can be used around toilet bases for inaccurate urinaters.


After all, they keep promising us better service but they don't really mean it.


Following the ditty is a letter sent to their (so-called) PR department many moons ago.


Needless to say - it was ignored.





From: Paul Murray [mailto:lol@icon.co.za] Sent: Thursday, March 02, 2006 8:26 AM
To: 'mandla.bembe@vodacom.co.za'

Hi Mandla
Further to our discussion earlier this week and, in fact, on the very same day, I was unable to send any emails via my Vodafone 3G card as your associated infrastructure in the area in which I was working (Paulshof) was offline. Surprise, surprise…
As a result I had to utilize webmail through my ISP, Tiscali – they are very reliable – I know – I maintain their infrastructure in association with DD & Internet Solutions.
This is just one in an ongoing series of mounting frustrations I have with Vodacom. And I could probably get a petition together of hundreds, if not thousands, of people with similar gripes. I kid you not – it’s becoming that prevalent.
I have been a loyal subscriber of your network since its inception but am seriously considering looking at alternatives right now such is the level of my dissatisfaction with Vodacom. The only thing you guys ever seem to get right is your billing. Amazing that, don’t you think – the admin and money is always managed like a well-oiled machine while you oversubscribe all of your (un)available services and fail to deliver anywhere near the same consistency with the service you are contracted to specialize in – cellular/wireless connectivity!
Unfortunately, like the political climate in this country, there is little opposition to choose from and I hear similar gripes from subscribers of MTN and Cell-C with regard to connectivity or lack thereof.
Let’s be honest – you purport to be, your figures confirm it and with the governmental backing you enjoyed through your association with Telkom, you are the market leader in South Africa as far as cellular connectivity and infrastructure is concerned. And so you should be having been at it the longest and having fleeced South African cellular subscribers for the best part of a decade. It is common knowledge that historically South African telecoms (in every sense) ranks amongst the most expensive anywhere on the planet. And please don’t try to spin me out with the old: quantity of users versus infrastructure costs yarn because that one simply doesn’t fly and I’ll demonstrate that later in this mail.
Let me begin there – for with your business partner (Telkom) also ignoring the requirements of people in remote regions (Magaliesburg – that’s really so very very far away from Johannesburg isn’t it – a whole whopping 85 km), there isn’t sufficient infrastructural capacity for land-based telephone lines here for all in need of them. I’m sure it’s all simply based on fiscal viability rather than customer satisfaction, to whit: “We do not see any infrastructure upgrade in your area in the foreseeable future…” or words to that effect. Thus, freelance consultants such as myself are forced to look to wireless connectivity to remain linked to the internet and our customers. Not to mention communicate with them on cellphones exclusively.
So when I first started looking at GPRS connectivity many months ago, Vodacom (our peerless industry giant, having not yet been caught out by the national regulator and still getting away with blue murder), deigned to offer me a service whereby 1Mb (that’s right – 1 single solitary Megabyte) of data being transferred across their infrastructure would cost me the (fairy-tale) amount of R45.00. But, they promised, it would soon be reduced according to demand – a philosophy that no South African business has ever promulgated, as additional demand for a product in every free-market in the world usually dictates an increase in price. That old supply and demand thing again. Besides, who the hell could afford to pay for data transfer at R45/Mb – it was absolutely extortionate. So apart from nicking analogue connectivity where I could from my customers who willingly offered their phone lines for my mailing requirements, I was screwed. Sentech were still not fully up and running and all the other wireless players were still probing the market unwilling to spend too much too soon.
Then within the space of less than 6 months, the rates came down to R350 per month for (wait for it) 500Mb! People didn’t want to subscribe to that because they were sure there was some mistake – there had to be! It couldn’t be that different! There had to be a contract that nailed you somewhere along the line. It just didn’t gel – 70 cents per Mb when just a couple of months back it was 64 times more expensive than that! Previously – R45 x 500 = R22,500 versus R350 for the same (or purportedly more efficient) service per month – even Vodacom had to be embarrassed by that! So all of a sudden Vodacom’s benevolence was coming to the fore? They were giving something back? Or were they buckling to pressure from ICASA and the impending advent of VOIP and the innovation of SKYPE that they’d heard about.
In my view – the latter, given the mercenary nature of South African commerce and the “rake-it-in-while-you-can” philosophy adopted in this country. It prevails in every sector of our community. I think you had to accede to global industry trends and public demands, for no business becomes that efficient in that space of time in a speculative new market.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining about the cost reduction – just the manner in which you still fail to deliver the service.
For the industry leader AND based in the commercial hub of our country – Gauteng AND having been in the business for a decade or so AND having overcharged subscribers for all this time, there is no earthly reason that I can fathom why ANY cellphone call should be dropped ANYWHERE in Gauteng especially: Bryanston, Lone Hill, Dainfern, the N14 highway – ANYWHERE at all! It just shouldn’t happen with the amount of time and money you’ve had to consolidate this infrastructure. But it does – not infrequently – but every single time!
And the erratic nature of the data service anywhere in the region is also abysmal; typically while in the middle of internet access, the light on the tomato-red little MerlinU630 (I know it by name because I see the error messages on my screen so often) flickers between green and blue and back again at will, more often than not dropping the connection as it does so.
I’ve had the hardware replaced. I’ve had it upgraded. I’ve had the SIM swapped and all to no avail. Not only out in the remote barren wilderness of Magaliesburg does this occur, but in Sandton, Bryanston, Midrand, Woodmead, Pretoria – you name it – your service sucks everywhere. Your lack of reliable coverage is consummate.
And don’t even get me started on the 100km I have to travel to get some sense at Vodaworld at your data centre to confirm a fault with the data hardware – notoriously unreliable and subject to upgrades with better products by your own staff’s admission - (20 minutes of time estimated wait there) then 30 – 40 minutes in the queue at the Voda(don’t)care section to be told that the defect will have to be confirmed by a technician because the data centre guys just might be wrong and that will take another hour (it’s usually 48 hours, I’m told by the centre manager after throwing my toys at the counter. I’m doing you a favour, he goes on!) It’s a favour to have confirmed by one department of your business that another department of your business knows what they’re doing and that the customer only has to wait an hour not 2 days for them to do that?! A favour! I was, for once, speechless! But after ten minutes of debate along the lines of this letter, I had my replacement Merlin U630 and was thankfully on my way. It was reminiscent of the efficiency of the dept of Home Affairs or the Randburg Licence Department…
So why, I ask myself, should I put up with it? I won’t any longer – not at the rates I have been paying and continue to pay you.
And unless you guys get off your well-padded corporate behinds and stop hiding behind layers of electronic buffers to protect you from a disgruntled public, your ivory towers are going come tumbling down around your ears. And believe me – I’ll be leading the charge.
Is your motto:
“If they can’t reach us, they’ll eventually give up and settle for the poor service anyway – after all their alternatives are worse than us – har har!”
because that’s the message that comes through?
You sell communications connectivity yet you are the most impossible organizations with which to communicate with any degree of satisfaction.
I would like a response to this mail and some definitive solutions to the problems I have outlined before I escalate this in the media and throughout the businesses with which I deal.
You guys have gotten away with it for far too long.
Fix it or move over.
Sincerely

Paul Murray