Interesting that when we surf the Internet and use web applications like Facebook and suchlike, the boys at Google, Big Brother, the NSA, CIA, FBI et-al are all having a good old peek at what we're up to and where we are doing it from.
Yep, they are. Maybe not like in a surveillance-centre situation like Pine Gap in Australia, an official government-funded eavesdropping site in collaboration with the US DOD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pine_Gap) - and there are a few more besides, dotted all over the world - but there are programmed algorithms that screen for subversive phrases, websites, surfing content etc.
Trust me, this is how it works.
And the porn industry have got their SEO story in order (I am told by a good, filthy friend of mine...who would prefer to remain anonymous but hey - credit where it's due - Norman, you old dog!)
So no surprise when you just happen to inadvertently stumble across a porn site by mistake - probably some URL left in the browser history by a previous user - your wife or kids for example and voila - there you are at hornycoedswithvegetables.com or something equally tasteful...and these little regionally-apposite ads appear dotted around the page while you might be viewing Co-ed Candy preparing a butternut for tonight's stew...
Yeah, there are those ads for singles and easygoing MILF's (whatever those may be Mature Intellectual Lady Friends or something) and lo-and behold all in the very region from where you are accidentally viewing this website. And no questions asked by all accounts.
The wonders of modern technology and cyber communication eh?
As an aside - if there is a person on the planet who has access to the Internet and cannot get laid then I'm afraid it's suicide for you, my friend - and I'm sure there are websites for that as well....
But what I'm failing to understand is the ads that pop up during my Facebook sojourns as illustrated in the picture accompanying this post.
First off, they're telling me I'm a fat bastard and that I should be dieting using their chosen methodology. Now, it may be true to say that the midriff has thickened with the onset of fit-and-fifty-syndrome but as a vegetarian and an exerciser, non-drinker, non-smoker etc., I am still comfortably slipping (euphemism for wriggling) into my 34-36" (86-90cm) waisted trousers and have only gone up 1 size in about 30 years so they can take their fucking diet regimen and have it for dinner themselves, preferably via enema - the cheeky bastards!
Moving down the list, apparently they have been tracking my recent posts about the now-defunct iPod Touch and my whinge at Apple per-se. And thus appears the knight-in-shining-armour mobile device in the guise of Samsung. It could, of course, simply be that they've really, really perused my profile and are aware of my allegiance to the Blues of Chelsea Football Club, themselves sponsored by Samsung. Either way - they KNOW!
And fuck me if they haven't been reading the posts about potentially impending transportation of our piggies via trailer - there's an ad for one of those very machines right there. Spooky huh?
But, as they say in all the very best TV ads, wait - there's more!
Sliding further down the column (if you'll pardon the expression) I am invited to link up with one, Joanna Krupa, Polish super-model and all round babe it would appear. And this is where it begins to get a tad confusing...
Below that is the second partnering invitation - this time for Oriental love - is this at the bottom of the ad column because they are renowned for providing a happy-ending?
I am at a loss.
It has to be said that out of idle curiosity I clicked on those particular links - just to see what it was all about, you understand, in the interest of fair and accurate blogging....
And there - you see - perfectly harmless. On the Joanna Krupa link (now a US citizen by all accounts) right there crammed in with the ads for Ukrainian and Polish singles is the ad for Project Management courses (something I clearly need) as well as a download to speed up the Mac I'm using - the sneaky little so-and-so's...
But there is something seriously amiss with the "Secret Of Asian Women" link.
There I find that hot Asian women are looking for a normal guy like me.... and just by answering 3 easy questions, I will be doing it sideways in the Oriental way in a matter or moments, never to cast my eyes in the direction of another occidental woman again...
And that could be true - all of it but me, a normal guy? - that is just too far fetched to even think about.
I have no idea where they get this idea that I have this Oriental fetish though.
Ah, must dash, Karen is calling me back to our kinbaku session.
さようなら
Sayōnara
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